We all seek love yet argue as to how it should come …
THERE’S been a bug that’s been going around the past week.
Two female friends are infected … and it could quite spread and pretty soon there would be a pandemic.
One friend had the guy flying from halfway across the globe to meet with her and propose to her in one of the most romantic places on earth, get down on his knees, and ask for her 43 year old hands.
The other 40-something friend is currently being stalked by a sincere 32 year old 6’3 giant who’s been trying to rape her in all possible places.
I heard both men have good intentions.
Dante did say something about good intentions.
But that’s the beauty of dating. You never know what happens next.
Just consider yourself warned that this Love Bug can be quite potent.
On the other hand, one of the most beautiful rituals that all creatures that mate can have is dating. Some do it romantically, passionately, lustfully, realistically, metaphorically, metaphysically, poetically, politically, spiritually, and, my favorite, quickly.
The birds and the bees do it.
Or so I’ve been told.
But such is the simple joys of life: the thrill, the highs, the lows, the butterflies running around your stomach, the mental discussions you’re having inside your head, the second-, third-, fourth-guesses; the excitement of seeing his or her name logging in on YM, the investigative quest in raiding his or her Facebook friends, the anticipation, the frustration, what to wear, what not to wear, the red lipstick, the high heels, the … oh, it’s an endless roller coaster ride, an Indonesian earthquake so unpredictable you’re left hanging, wondering, waiting, feeling.
You can be in denial or you can embrace it.
Either which choice you make has a long selection of psycho-babble books available at Kinokuniya bookstore.
Then you hope for that little lift in your heart that tells you so.
Or you can be the girl who played hard to get but didn’t get got.
So while you’re psychoanalyzing this situation with yourself or your friends, let me give you a little peek on what men think.
First of all, when you’re out with a guy and there’s that pregnant pause between you and you ask him: “What’s on your mind ..” and he goes: “Nothing.”
Don’t kill yourself.
It really means “it’s nothing.”
The thing about dating someone is that you tend to look at a person in a whole new light. Is he the one? Is he gonna meet my parents? Is he …
So while you went through the excruciating pain of waxing yourself and threading your brows right before you meet him, here’s a little existential question you might ponder.
DO MEN REALLY CARE WHETHER OR NOT A WOMAN PLUCKS HER EYEBROWS?
While you’re sitted across each other at a table and you’re concerned that your date might be thinking:
“Uneven eyebrows. She’s got uneven eyebrows. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with a woman with uneven eyebrows?”
No, trust me, men are thinking.
1. I wonder what the color of her bra is …
2. When can I goddamn see her naked?
3. Was that a cleave?
4. Look away so I can stop pretending to look into your eyes and check out your boobs
6. You, naked
7. Damn, how come the other guy had a bigger steak! They’re ripping me off here.
How Do I Know These Things?
I’m writing this.
First of all, I don’t know who asmartrock is, but you’ve been warned. So while you have that little nuclear family running around and dancing inside your head, your date’s seriously, sincerely, wanting to see your boobs.
It’s the Ugly Truth.
You girls can afford to choose and run away from a guy simply because you’ve been chased by guys all your lives through.
Anytime a guy ever got to be nice to you, he just wants to show you his dick.
“Hi, lemme help you with that bag.” (You wanna see my dick?)
“I think her argument is valid. She’s such a sharp woman!” (Wanna see my dick?)
“You’re a complete package! Damn! I love you! I want you to be my wife. I want you to meet my parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, neighbors, pets.” (Wanna see my dick?)
You women know what you want in life, the kind of guy you’d marry, the kind of wedding you’d have, even that wall decor in your house.
Whereas guys, well, we do know what we want in life.
We want women.
Whichever comes first.
But that’s as far as we got. We do know how to get them, but not how YOU would like for us to get them.
Right now the evolution of man in trying to get a woman has revolved around two things:
2. Honking car horns
As I’m writing this I’ve got my fellow members of my species whistlin’ from atop a building or construction site, or a guy in a car honking his car horn.
From all over the planet.
That’s how far we’ve evolved.
And trust me, if you think your guy is different. I pity you.
We can pretend to be decent about it, don’t get me wrong. But a hot girl walks in any room and two guys from different social strata, religion, politics, and whatever, they lock in on each other’s eyes, and they know. If they see a girl whose skirt is blown up by the wind, we’d have to pinch ourselves from rolling all over the floor and laughing.
So if I were you, enjoy the ride, savor it for as long as you can, because if you don’t … that bus will leave without you.
And I bet my two girlfriends are now enjoying the time of their lives.
So you’re best hope is to kiss this …
And turn him into one of these …
Or end up with this …