Tick Tock, Tick Tock …

A friend, whom we shall hide under the name Sara J. O’Connor, just emailed me asking on the merits of parenthood as she’s mulling over the thought of becoming one … assuming she finds a partner before mating season ends.

I told her simple.

It sucks.

But it will also give you the biggest roller-coaster ride of your life, leave an imprint of your existence, and give you the happiest and saddest moments your human memory can ever have.

It’s that great.

But in order for Sara to do so, first, she must overcome the jungle that’s out there.

So, anyway, here’s the deal, Sara. Let me put things in perspective for you, consider it my gift.

So you’re dating this guy you’re not really sure what to do with, great sex or great lasting relationship. You’re not even sure if he wants to have kids. Or if he does, if he wants to have them with you.

And at your advancing age, painful as it may be for a woman to discuss, is something you ought to consider.

You’re what now, 34?

Believe me, you’re practically a kid. At that age, I was almost always … ok, not a good example.

But by the time I was 37 I was already … wait, not a good example either.

This isn’t about me though. It’s about you.

Ok, you’re a successful financial adviser, with some Fortune 500 clients begging for your wisdom as to where they could save their money, increase their money, or hide their money. You can talk for hours about funny terms, like, hedge funds, leverage, and some such, but your current biological clock is something that really needs a stimulus package.

Your personal finances are sound; you’ve invested wisely, established your nest egg, and seen to it that most areas of your life are covered.

What about your biological fixed assets?

It’s all rather simple, really. You want to know about ideal children? They don’t exist. But this, I can tell you: the quality of your children depends on the quality of your eggs … and, of course, the quality of your partner’s sperms.

One in a billion.

That’s all it takes.

So what you may not notice is that your biological fixed asset is something you should really invest on as well, my dear.

Let’s look at it this way:

You’re 34 now. Let’s say things don’t work out with your current partner next year, that makes you 35 by then. If by some stroke of luck you find a new partner next year, right away, who share all the Republican values you have, plus a whirlwind romance, then you can start making all your wedding plans and start a family by then. However, knowing how dedicated you are with work, and your country’s fluctuating economy, you’d be so stressed you couldn’t get a good chance to match your ovulation with your husband’s virility. So you plan and hope that you succeed by the time you hit 36, if you’re lucky.

Regardless at which age you get started, that makes you 36, 37, 38 … depending on how it goes. That’s the thing with Mother Nature.

Unless, of course, you go for In Vitro Fertilization.

And even if you do, your eggs would be 38 — at the most by then.

Imagine if you’ve saved / invested / protected your interests at the age of 34.

Whether you’re 36 or 40, you’d at least have a 34 year old nubile eggs, ready and roaring to mate.

So what I’m saying is: go save your babies. Invest now.

Doesn’t really matter whether or not you get it from your future spouse or some donor you meet at the bar.

The most important thing is that it’s from someone you know: his habits, his peculiarities, his intelligence level, his emotional quotient, his … I don’t know what else you could possibly know. Don’t rely on good looks alone. At the end of the day, it’s all in the genes.

Find someone you’re comfortable with, if needs be, something that only the two of you can ever share on this otherwise dying earth.

The point is having someone you’re in sync with. Look around, feel around, go beyond your Republican values. You’re trying to get a good partner here for the survival of the world, not your own preferences.

It could be your enemy. Who knows? Whoever seems to bring out the best in you.

If there’s one area where procreation matters, it’s this one. Hey, even your Holy Bible had siblings screwing one another, so don’t be so judgmental if the one you like is already married.

Inasmuch as it’s a delicious thought for me to fantasize on, however, I have never been approached with such a decent proposal.

Especially if it involves 1 Million American Dollars.

What I DO KNOW is that …

Imagine that.

Ah, what a time to be alive.

Anyway, regardless of the decision you make, just know that I’m here. Screw around (preferably with someone safe), enjoy life, date as many as you want, I won’t judge you, but be sure to let me in on the delicious details.

If not now … well, we’re gonna be having the same kind of conversation next year … when you’re 35.

Tick tock … Tick Tock …

About Asmartrock

N. Mark Castro is the chief political communications strategist for PT AsiaLeads, a political and communications policy-making body based in Jakarta, Indonesia. He is also the Executive Director at the Southeast Asia Consulting Group, an investment advisory company assisting clients roll out their presence for the ASEAN Economic Integration in partnership with government. The views posted here are his own and do not in any way reflect the views of the companies he represents.

Posted on July 25, 2012, in General and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Thanks for dropping by and liking the page, dudes.

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