10 Things You Don’t Put As Facebook Status Updates

By N. Mark Castro

1. SCREAM

We all know that using Caps Lock is the equivalence of screaming, but few people around us prefer to “scream”. You can double click the CAPS LOCK or click SHIFT … but not for the two jerks here:

2. LIKE ME

Seriously, how old are you? 5?

How does it sounds in Facebook ticker: “N Mark Castro likes his own status”.

Liking your own status is like high-fiving yourself.

3. Facebook Status from Twitter:

One needs to understand that Facebook and Twitter are two different kinds of Social Networks. On Twitter you keep on sharing stuff every minute, it is acceptable. Facebook is not the same. It’s like having a bullhorn and screaming silly about … well, you.

4. A Sucker’s Born Every Minute

The “share” tool is probably one of the most oft-used tools in Facebook. I also know that you are a concerned citizen. I also know that you are an idiot. Does it mean you will not share whatever crap you think would be “helpful” to your friends who live and breathe with your posts? No, but at least verify first hoaxes like Mark Zuckerberg will start charging you money, Facebook donation for sharing pictures and some such. Use your mind and Google (if you have doubts, check on Hoax-Slayer) before doing such idiotic stuff.

5. Add A Fake Profile

If she’s pretty and has more than 1000 friends, you gotta ask yourself, why the heck would she add you?

So unless you want to look like an idiot liking, sharing, and commenting on a fake Facebook profile, better study who you’re adding.

6. Mafiaville

Play the Facebook Games, go ahead, but please don’t send me a request to save your lost sheep in Farmville, and I don’t give a damn if you were attacked by some goons in Mafia Wars. If you are such a game addict, create a separate Facebook profile just for playing these games and stop bothering other people in your friend-list before they start blocking you.

7. Finger Trigger Status Update Happy

So, you get up and wish Good Morning to everyone.

So far, so good.

Then you tell them what you’re eating in breakfast and lunch and whatever other meal with a picture to boot, what you’re watching, what your day’s plan, and how ridiculous your co-workers are. Then you update the world in an hourly basis.

For God sake, get a life.

Updating the status about interesting things, news, events or funny quotes is one thing but it is not your diary where you record each and everything.

8. Love, Actually

Aww … You finally found someone to have sex with love you.  You lover him or her or it so much that you keep on posting love quotes throughout the day.

Oh! you had a fight. Both of you are not on talking terms and now updating your Facebook status hitting out at each other directly or indirectly.

Huwat? You broke up. Now the whole world has to suffer from sad heart-broken status update.

Grow up attention seeker.

9. Pay Homage To People You Don’t Even Know

Though you couldn’t even afford to buy an original Apple product, you felt it was your social responsibility to pay homage to Steve Jobs. You updated your status, changed your profile picture to apple or of Jobs. You shared photos praising Job’s vision and achievement.

Now you see other pics complaining that there are millions of children dying of hunger. You share the pic with hungry child on one side and Steve Jobs on the other. How great of you.

Now comes Dennis Ritchie. You might have never used Unix all your life, never programmed in C and before this day you never knew that there exists such a person but paying a tribute is a must for you.

10. The Rest Is You

There are many more crazy stuff, naturally, but I encourage you to fill in the blank as the 10th point.

About Asmartrock

N. Mark Castro is the chief political communications strategist for PT AsiaLeads, a political and communications policy-making body based in Jakarta, Indonesia. He is also the Executive Director at the Southeast Asia Consulting Group, an investment advisory company assisting clients roll out their presence for the ASEAN Economic Integration in partnership with government. The views posted here are his own and do not in any way reflect the views of the companies he represents.

Posted on September 1, 2012, in Gallery, General and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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