Tweeting Oprah Old Can Get You Into Trouble
As Oprah Winfrey’s show runs down towards its last stages — unless miracles happen — it can’t be helped that people get melancholic over a show, and the woman who has single-handedly redefined talk shows. Besides, her followers outnumber her critics.
And so it’s quite surprising that during a recent broadcast, Twitter user @kp1lady publicly tweeted that Oprah Winfrey was not looking her best.
Oprah has over 16 million twitter followers. Oprah doesn’t have time to read all her @-replies. Oprah’s not going to ever see the dumb things you tweet at her. Right?
Oprah has enough time to read all her tweets because Oprah has enough money to do nothing but read all her tweets and Oprah has enough energy to read all her tweets because Gayle got her these great candles for Christmas that release energizing scents.
But where the hell is Dr. Phil?
And how old is hell really?
According to geologists, the Earth is roughly 4.5 billion years old. Some Bible enthusiasts feel the number is closer to 6,000 years. Splitting the difference, we’ll assume that Earth is about 2,250,003,000 years old.
Hell’s probably a little newer than that, since the Bible mentions Satan being cast down to Earth; we’ll peg it at 2,250,002,999 years old.
Did Oprah really look 2,250,002,999 years old during that broadcast?
No. 2,250,002,999-year-old Oprah would manifest herself as a small pile of sand.
The thing is, I don’t think Oprah would ever look like hell.
She’s got enough money to keep looking like the way she does Till Thy Kingdom Come.