Places I Hate In Indonesia

By N Mark Castro

So this is where I live for the past decade.

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And at dusk my view from my old office was this

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And if you’re lucky without the traffic, it would be like this.

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And you get invited to a Preston Bailey-themed weddings like this —

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And if you can’t afford your private jet, you commute like we peasants do on a public transportation —

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Risk your life like this —

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Because a yacht won’t venture here so I can only take this —

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And instead of meeting scantily-clad women, you meet her —

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Guarded by a friendly yet scary relative —

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While meeting backward people with no smartphones yet incessantly talk to you — saying it’s real connection.

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It’s so backwards they don’t even have French Fries or McDonald’s —

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But the local store owner will give you a discount if you try one of her delicacies which, unfortunately, isn’t from Cheesecake Factory.

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So you can relax for a bit in a place with no air-conditioner. Ugh.

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And don’t get me started about their lack of pavements —

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But I forgive them. It’s a way of life and not a tourist destination. I mean, they don’t even have bottled water, these backwards people. No Evian!

The only good thing is that you get to all these places without ever running into another tourist and at a cheaper price.

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And since I’m a cheapskate, I only attend my weekly company-sponsored parties with my colleagues.

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And don’t get me started with my office. Ugh. I only have one light!

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But I met one of their congressmen and he gave me these —

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I look at my window from home and I see nothing but a boring sky.

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And down below is an ugly pool nobody wants to even go in!

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I pity my kids that instead of gadgets they can touch these ugly wood —

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And I’m not sure about public safety either, especially since cops here don’t go around carrying guns!

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So yes, the past decade had been tough.

Oh sure you get drivers and maids but it’s so weird that people outside smile at you all the time and always asking if you need help. And work stops at 5pm on the dot, with huge malls open till late at night.

You enter a mall or a store and you’re like a rock star. They come to you and offer you assistance even if you’re not buying. They wouldn’t know — or care — if you’re Bill Gates or Mark Castro because, get this — they say it’s the same rupiah whether it’s from a rich man or a working class.

So to all serious executives looking for a good life, stay away from Indonesia. I’m an Asian and I got shocked.

Let me suffer it for you.

About Asmartrock

N. Mark Castro is the chief political communications strategist for PT AsiaLeads, a political and communications policy-making body based in Jakarta, Indonesia. He is also the Executive Director at the Southeast Asia Consulting Group, an investment advisory company assisting clients roll out their presence for the ASEAN Economic Integration in partnership with government. The views posted here are his own and do not in any way reflect the views of the companies he represents.

Posted on May 3, 2014, in Gallery, General and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I don’t know what to call it, but this sarcastic (?) is a beautiful. Welcome, captain!

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